Brothers.... MarkW
Jan 26 2011 Filed in: Message
Brothers,
According to my i-phone, it's 12:10 AM. Ken A and Tom were the last to leave about twenty minutes ago. I just finished putting the place back in order, and am proud of myself for pitching the potato chips.
What is the Mens' Group to me? Above all is the love I feel from and for all of you.
Beyond that is the benefit the Group has provided down through the years that I most value. I get to convoluted, locked-in places in my heart, mind, and psyche that I know, with blinding certainty, cannot be understood by another. This sureness of not being understood is, in truth, the Primal Fear of being understood. It is Survival. Being wholly seen is a fleeing gazelle being brought down by a lion. It is a small animal having its heart torn out by a bird of prey. It is revelation of my falseness and inadequacy I have lived my whole life to conceal.
In the fifteen years I've been with you, I have often played it close to the vest. But sometimes I have dived (or been pushed) headfirst into that darkness. Then, so many times, I saw the light of acceptance and self-recognition by you of me, and by me - incredibly - of you. We are not alone. We have value. Rather than a reward/punishment game to be played and always lost, life is worth living for all of us. Our group has given that to me time after time. It's a saving grace.
Mark
According to my i-phone, it's 12:10 AM. Ken A and Tom were the last to leave about twenty minutes ago. I just finished putting the place back in order, and am proud of myself for pitching the potato chips.
What is the Mens' Group to me? Above all is the love I feel from and for all of you.
Beyond that is the benefit the Group has provided down through the years that I most value. I get to convoluted, locked-in places in my heart, mind, and psyche that I know, with blinding certainty, cannot be understood by another. This sureness of not being understood is, in truth, the Primal Fear of being understood. It is Survival. Being wholly seen is a fleeing gazelle being brought down by a lion. It is a small animal having its heart torn out by a bird of prey. It is revelation of my falseness and inadequacy I have lived my whole life to conceal.
In the fifteen years I've been with you, I have often played it close to the vest. But sometimes I have dived (or been pushed) headfirst into that darkness. Then, so many times, I saw the light of acceptance and self-recognition by you of me, and by me - incredibly - of you. We are not alone. We have value. Rather than a reward/punishment game to be played and always lost, life is worth living for all of us. Our group has given that to me time after time. It's a saving grace.
Mark