Man UP!
Apr 20 2011 Filed in: Jims Poems
When she told me to man up,
I bought a Stetson hat
And a catcher’s cup.
I bought a gun and a dagger, too.
Surely I thought, that should do.
But no. She said “man up” again
So I joined a gym, and then the marines.
I joined a strip club, behind the scenes.
I bought a Hummer, a box of cigars,
And a season’s ticket
To African wars.
“Not man enough,” my woman sniffed.
So I bought a horse
And a trip to Mars,
I spent lots of time
In grim Irish bars.
I studied Jujitsu and strange martial arts,
And even considered
Enlarging my parts.
“No, no!” she lamented,
“You simply don’t get it.
You need a recliner
And E-S-P-N,
A full plate of nachos
To eat now and then.
You need to get fat
And ignore me completely.
Wear hats to the restaurant,
And don’t eat discretely.”
And so I reformed,
Drank beer from an unwashed cup.
As soon as I knew what it meant
To man up.